Issue 11 November 1996

The purpose of this newsletter is to help stop secret societies from abusing others and to help those who have allegedly been abused by the Masons and other affiliated groups.

This newsletter is not a substitute for other ways of recovery from ritual abuse. Readers should use caution while reading this newsletter. If necessary, make sure other support systems are available during and after reading this newsletter.

Important :

Resources mentioned in this newsletter are for educational value only. Reading the books cited may or may not help your recovery process, so use caution when reading any book mentioned in this newsletter. Some may have a religious or other agenda that may be separate from your own recovery process. Others may have valuable information on the Masons and other organizations, but have triggers or be somewhat sympathetic to that organization. Resources listed, quoted and individual articles, etc. and their writers do not necessarily support all or any of the views mentioned in this newsletter. Also, the views, facts and opinions mentioned in this newsletter are solely the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily the opinion of this newsletter or its editor.

“The Greatest Revenge is to Heal,
then Turn Around and Help Someone Else. “
– Working in the Vineyard

“The Greatest Revenge is to Stop Abusers
from Making Victims in the First Place”
– a subscriber

(Copyright 1998 – All rights reserved. No reproduction of any material without written permission from the editor or individual authors.)

S.M.A.R.T. is looking for more articles on ritual abuse and secret societies. These articles can be based on research or personal accounts. Articles may be sent on floppy disk or via E-mail or snail mail. Therapists may also send in case studies with their patient’s written permission. Please send written permission with all articles. Also if you’d like, please include permission to put the articles on our Internet URL.

Neil Brick, editor of S.M.A.R.T. spoke at LINKUP conference, at the Clarion International Hotel, Rosemont, IL., September 2nd, 1996. The following is a partial outline of the first part of this speech. Please use caution while reading this, it may be triggering.

LINKUP and others have done a lot of excellent work fighting clergy abuse and getting publicity to help fight clergy abuse. Unfortunately, those fighting ritual abuse have not had the same successes. By discussing some of the differences and similarities between the two movements, hopefully the anti-ritual abuse movement will become as successful as the fight against clergy abuse.

In the past most people had trouble believing clergy could abuse children and others. Now there is a much larger public awareness about clergy abuse. Ritual abuse is now dealing with the “believability” issue as clergy abuse has dealt with it in the past.

The Holocaust “Revisionists” of the early 1980’s believed against overwhelming evidence that the Holocaust in Nazi Germany never occurred. At one time, many people didn’t believe clergy abused, but according to LINKUP, statistics show 6.1 to 16.3% of Roman Catholic priest in the U.S. are allegedly pedophiles (between 3000 and 8000), information from LINKUP’s “Missing Link, Fall 1995, Page 11”. The fact that a perpetrator is well loved or popular or dresses well, does not mean that person is not a perpetrator. Those fighting to develop public awareness about alleged Masonic Ritual Abuse may hear things like “Shriner’s Hospitals help children” or “Masons are upstanding citizens”. The hospitals do help children, but the organization (Masons) has also allegedly perpetrated horrible crimes against children. I was allegedly abused by the Masons and so were many others.

The reasons ritual abuse survivors have trouble getting publicity for their side of the argument and speaking out are numerous. They often have very little money, so they are busy dealing with issues like food and shelter and/or a lot of fear (PTSD, etc.) which makes them less likely to speak out. Some actively fear cults’ retributions.

There is a lot of evidence that ritual abuse exists. On Page 170, of Cult and Ritual Abuse (authors Noblitt and Perskin, Praeger, 1995), it states, “One of the best sources of evaluative research on ritual abuse is the article “Ritual Abuse: A Review of Research” by Kathleen Coulborn Faller (1994)….in a survey of 2,709 members of the American Psychological Association, it was found that 30 percent of these professionals had seen cases of ritual or religion-related abuse (Bottoms, Shaver & Goodman, 1991). Of those psychologists who have seen cases of ritual abuse, 93 percent believed that the reported harm took place and 93 percent believed that the alleged ritualism occurred. This is a remarkable finding. Mental health professionals are known to be divergent in their thinking and frequently do not agree with one another regarding questions of the diagnosis and etiology of psychiatric problems…this level of concurrence in a large national sample of psychologists…would be impressive….the similar research of Nancy Perry (1992) which further supports (the previous findings)…Perry also conducted a national survey of therapists who work with clients with dissociative disorders and she found that 88 percent of the 1,185 respondents indicated “belief in ritual abuse, involving mind control and programming” (p. 3).”

Other problems promoting the existence of ritual abuse are: Ritual abuse is often perpetrated by the survivor’s immediate family, so the survivor has no one to turn to for help. In addition to this the media often has a definite bias when presenting ritual abuse. Also, survivors are programmed not to tell or remember what was done and most of the information is in alter personalities. Unlike the Catholic Church and other churches, ritual abuse secret societies are usually totally hidden from mainstream society or allegedly have “front” societies. Perpetrators’ identities are often unknown to their victims, due to the darkness in which the abuse occurred, the robe and hood of the abuser (which hides the body and face of the perpetrator), and the drugged, hypnotized or the brainwashed state of the survivor. Abusive rituals are purposefully manipulated to cover up the truth and decrease the credibility of the survivor. An example of this is during rituals of rape, torture and abuse, perpetrators have been known to wear Mickey Mouse masks or other Disney characters or goat’s heads. The elaborateness of rituals make it hard for others to believe survivor’s stories. Examples from my past include: being hypnotized by a fan blade, being put on a spinning table or being put on an upside down cross.

In addition to these problems, societies’ denial, its inability to face its own pain as well each individual’s inability to face their own pain makes it hard for some non-survivors (and some not in recovery) to recognize the obvious truth of the depth of evil in the world. Dr. Charles Whitfield in Memory and Abuse discusses this in greater detail. I believe people are capable of great goodness, great evil and all that is in between.

Unfortunately, we still to fight to prove to many that ritual abuse exists, when it is very obvious that it does. Its existence is well researched and documented with a multitude of anecdotal data and research studies and corresponding symptomological proof (i.e. dissociative disorders) that it does.

The following explanations for the origins of ritual abuse are from Cult and Ritual Abuse. (pages 122-124) Once the Christian crusaders were defeated, Europeans might have doubted God was on their side. Natural disasters and the Bubonic plague may have further discouraged their beliefs in a benevolent God. Some may have felt abandoned by God and turned to Satan. The practices of the Church at that time may have encouraged this. The Inquisition and severe punishments for heresy and witchcraft as well as flagellation (whipping or scourging) may have indirectly made opportunities for the further abuse of people.

Superstitions may also have been a factor in the development of dark occultism. Worship services developed for procuring the death of someone living (the Death Mass). Defrocked priests and wandering priests and bishops performed magical masses for a fee.

15th century, Gilles de Rais, allegedly engaged in numerous sadistic and murderous acts and he was allegedly assisted by Francesco Prelatti, a Florentine priest and occultist. “Satanism was also sufficiently prevalent in 16th and 17th century France” (page 123).

Several people got up during my speech (at the LINKUP conference) and mentioned that they recalled being ritually abused for the first time because of my speech. One described a memory of the abuse. Many people thanked me for speaking. One thing I heard during the conference was that during the fight against clergy abuse, people had to keep fighting and fighting and fighting to stop some of the priests from abusing and to get monetary compensation for their abuse. As ritual abuse survivors we need to do the same. When we are ready, we need to speak up at every conference we go to, and ask to speak at them if at all possible. To write down the accounts of our abuse and get them published in a way that feels safe, being careful not to libel or slander. Twenty five years ago few people believed that incest existed or that it was rare. Twenty years from now (if not sooner), if we intelligently fight hard enough, everyone will know that ritual abuse exists and will help us to stop it. We can and will win.

Information on how to receive a full copy or audio tape of the workshop is in the resource section at the end of this newsletter.

The following article is part two of an essay by a subscriber (part one is in Issue #10). (Please use caution while reading, it may be triggering)

An Essay, by Cara (Part Two)

I remember standing in front of the mirror , trying to dry my hair with the hair dryer, looking at my stranger’s face, still crying, mouth trembling and tears streaming down her contorted cheeks, dressed in my favorite soft pink nightshirt, while someone else talked to her, told her not to cry, just dry her hair and go to bed. She didn’t speak in a harsh voice. She spoke like a mother, kind but firm. This is what you must do now. Dry your hair, stop crying, throw away your underwear, your undershirt, your brassiere, your socks. Save only your jeans and your shirt, because we can’t afford new. But put them in the laundry bag right away as soon as we get back to the room. Then go to bed because you have a final exam in human sexuality in six hours, and you must do well. I took the exam and got an A on it. I held the bear that my current boyfriend had given me for Christmas a month before, while I slept, believing with all my heart that I had cheated on him and how would he ever forgive me. I had no idea that I had allegedly been raped, although it was brutal enough. No bruises, just Mark allegedly pulling off my jeans and my underpants off while I sat in the front seat of his car, lifeless, used to this, not knowing I could stop it. Do you realize what I just wrote? “Not knowing I could stop it” I couldn’t have stopped it. He was too big, too strong, too determined to take the life out of me. He thought if he allegedly raped me he could stop the love between us which terrified him so, because I was a college student and he was a groundsman at the college, sure I would leave him when I graduated and sure I was so much better that him, too good for him. He never trusted my love for him. I loved him so much. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone before. But I told him that night that I didn’t want to have sex with him; I told him three times, in those exact words. I told him I just wanted to be with him and to try and be friends since he felt he wasn’t worthy of me as a girlfriend. On one of our drives in the Oneonta country back roads, while we were dating the previous summer, he took me to his plot of land and told me he wanted to build a house, and he wanted me to come live with him. I would have. I remember walking in the grass and weeds up about my mid thighs and feeling like I was in heaven because this man wanted me, this magic man.

Yesterday, before my therapist left, I had planned to give him a cassette tape that I had made for him of music that has special meaning to me. After he shut the door behind him I walked into the living room and saw the tape on the table. I rushed to take it and then stopped myself from going out the door to catch him before he drove away because something inside me told me the tape was not quite right. I spent the rest of the morning re-recording the second side of the tape and carefully, thoughtfully, writing to him on a sheet of loose-leaf paper about each selection of music I had chosen to share with him. When I wrote the piece by Chopin, I wrote that I would sell my body for a piano, so that I might play again, I really meant it at the time I wrote it. Maybe even, someone else inside wrote that. I’m not sure. But when I made love with my husband that night, I told John I most definitely would not sell my body for a piano. And I realized that deep inside within me there is growing a respect for this body that I call mine, and a love for it, and that the thought of selling it or sharing it with anyone but my husband strikes me as a slap across the face would. For the first time in my life, except perhaps for those few precious moments when I was a newborn baby, before they first laid hands on me, I am discovering that my body is to be respected and loved and nourished and allowed the joy and freedom of movement and exercise. This new feeling grows a little more each day that I take care of this body. I look to my abdomen, seeing the scar of a razor cutting the word “whore” into my flesh, by my own hand, years ago, and I grieve. As much as I love to play the piano, to make it sing out my soul, I have found that I love another human being more than that. Two human beings, actually. Me. And my precious beautiful incredible husband. For years that piano kept me alive and then the memory of how it felt to play. For years my dancing kept me alive, and then the memory of how it felt to dance. But they were ways of hiding within myself. I played to live, and I danced to live, but for survival of my soul. I hated to perform. Now, I connect with my body, my spiritual and emotional selves, not to a piano or a dance, but to another human being, John, my husband. And now, I want to study the piano again, for myself, yes, but also so that I may give people music. I want to play for other human beings. Because I at last feel like a human being myself. And for the light of Christ that I feel within me, I want others to feel it too. I want to share. I have something to share. I have myself. I am free.

And I have decided something. I am feeling more intimate with myself, with my body, with my husband, and with my therapist that I have ever felt. Every day I think I cannot love all these beings more, and when the next day comes, I realize I love them more than yesterday. After John and I made love last night, I sobbed. I had no words for my feelings. I still have no words. All I know is that I feel more deeply than I ever have. And I had huge waves of abreactions tornado and thunderstorm and volcano through me. My body shook violently at times, it curled up into crippled states, it let out screams louder than I have yet heard emitted from my lungs. Then suddenly it would be still. John, of course, my extraordinary coach, talked me through (he’s learned so much, and he works I think, sometimes harder than I), staying right by my side. He makes me feel that I am not alone, which is the ultimate comfort when one goes through this business. he called my name and I would answer him, “yes, yes” through a veil. I was not grounded but I was not lost either. In the still times, I feel like thick clay, unwilling to move, as I honor my resting periods, knowing that I need them to get through t he next wave. I guess in a way it is like giving birth. Having a baby is going to be a snap compared to this. What I found myself doing was letting the abreactions flow through me, contort me as they wished, make me scream or cry as many tears as needed. I let go. I surrendered to the abreaction, and it was much easier. Not that I wasn’t in pain. But I just wasn’t as scared. I almost wasn’t scared. I wasn’t begging for it to be over. And when they came to me with the heart to eat, I yelled at them, “no, no! I won’t I won’t eat your hearts anymore. I won’t! I refuse!” And I refused to raise my left arm to Satan. I refused to stick my left hand out to them for the heart. As a matter of fact, I firmly, with complete determination, folded my arm around my back and lay on it. I wouldn’t let them have me. And I wouldn’t have their bloody tough grainy heart.

So what have I decided? I have decided to go further. And further. And further. And never stop. I may choose to rest sometimes, but I have decided to be alive. To love and bond even more intimately with my husband, myself, my body, my therapist. I have decided to go as deep as it is possible into humanness. I have decided to become the human being that I was meant to be, perhaps that somewhere inside me, I already am. There is a book by Robin Morgan called Going Too Far. She is a “radical” feminist. I studied this book at Hartwick College in a women’s studies course, when I was eighteen years old. I have taken this book with me wherever I have gone, and I have moved about many, many times in the last eleven years. I would never throw this book away. And now I know why. It is because I am going to do what Robin Morgan did. I am going to Go Too Far. I am going to break free of the cult, integrate my personalities, and I am going to fight against ritual abuse. All I used to care about was myself and making the pain go away. Now I realize that I too have a vision for my life. God kept me alive for a reason.

“When I dare to be powerful- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” – Audre Lorde

God gave me a life to live on this planet Earth and I damn well intend to make the most of it. Just watch me go.

S.M.A.R.T. wants to thank Cara for part two of this article. Others are invited to send in articles also.


Please note: Listing of these resources does not necessarily constitute our endorsement of them. They are for educational value only and some may be triggering.

Neil Brick’s LINKUP conference speech “Ritual Abuse and Secret Societies” (9/2/96 – 75 min.) is now available on audio tape. Please send $7.50 (US, foreign orders add 10% to total) plus $2.00 S + H) to Repeat Performance, 2911 Crabapple Lane, Hobart, IN 46342, 219- 465-1234. Ask for tape 11 of the Linkup 1996 4th National conference.

Garlands from Ashes – Healing from Clergy Abuse by Sonja Grace is a book written by and for survivors of clergy abuse. To order, write: Books for Women, P. O. Box 509, Palmerston North, New Zealand.

How Little We Knew – Collusion and Confusion with Sexual Misconduct by Dee Miller, Lafayette, La.: Prescott Press, 1993, $9.99, paperback, is a story about Dee’s abuse by a fellow missionary and her attempts to notify appropriate officials of the abuse. She wrote her story to evoke action. It can be ordered from: Dee Miller, 613 Frank, Council Bluffs, IA 51503, send check for 13.50 (US). She also has an article in JCN, Journal of Christian Nursing, “Sexual Assault: Caring for Survivors” (Vol. 13, #2), JCN PO Box 7895, Madison, WI 53707-7895, 608-274-4823 (ext. 401).

Sage Publications has a variety of books for male survivors of sexual abuse and other books as well. Contact: Sage Publications, Inc. PO Box 5084, Thousand Oaks, CA 91359- 9924, phone 805-499-9774, fax 805-499-0871, E-mail

SNAP’s (Survivors’ Network of those Abused by Priests) 1st National Conference will be in Washington, DC November 8-10, 1996. Write SNAP, PO Box 438679, Chicago, IL 60643-8679.

“Memory and Abuse – Remembering and Healing the Effects of Trauma” by Charles L. Whitfield M.D. Using clinical truths and laborious scholarship, Dr. Whitfield brings his clinical experience and knowledge about traumatic memory to examine, explore and clarify this important issue. S.M.A.R.T. highly recommends this book. It is excellent. The book is available through Health Communications, Inc 3201 S.W. 15th St, Deerfield Beach, FL.33442-8190.

Satanic Ritual Abuse and Secret Societies is an 88 minute video tape researched by David Carrico (Followers of Jesus Christ). The existence of Satanic and alleged Masonic Ritual Abuse are fully supported by facts, dates and court convictions. The video is Christian based with selections from the Bible. S.M.A.R.T. is non-sectarian and has no religious affiliation. SMART PO 60577, Florence, Ma. 01062 and send a check (US checks only please) for $20 + $3 (US S + H), $6(Can/Mex), $10 (other).

Stop it Now is researching the characteristics of child abusers by asking survivors for information about their abuser(s) in questionnaire form. For more information: Stop It Now, P O Box 495, Haydenville, Ma. 01039, 413- 268-3096

STARSHINE – One Woman’s Valiant Escape from Mind Control – by Brice Taylor “offers a fascinating glimpse of one survivor’s struggle to overcome mind control and ritual abuse.” (Beth Vargo – BTC) “So much of what we have learned over the past decade in regard to victims of mind control is in STARSHINE. The way torture is used to create alternate personalities who respond with robotic compliance to the demands of one or more organized groups….Most important of all, her message of hope is firmly grounded in truth; victims can break the chains of mind control and be free…” (Catherine Gould PH.D.) This 350 page book is available for $14.95 plus $3.00 S + H from Brice Taylor Trust, P.O. Box 2474, Carbondale, IL 62902.

There is a ritual abuse home page at It has a great deal of information on ritual abuse. Please note that the library section and the Internet links contain references to sources that are skeptical of and/or hostile to the existence of ritual abuse. They are clearly identified as such.

MENSTUFF – The National Men’s Resource now has a home page and resource list available. For more information the URL is or write them at P O Box 800, San Anselmo, Ca. 94979

Beyond Survival’s international phone number is (02)-61-2-9566-2046. This corrects the phone number in the last issue.

The International Society for the Study of Dissociation’s 13th international conference “Healing the Divided Mind” will be held November 7-10, 1996 at the Fairmont Hotel, San Francisco, Ca. For information write: ISSD conference, P O Box 682, Glenview, IL 60025, phone 847-375-4718.

Voices of Incest is a non-profit organization dedicated to aiding former victims of incest. Their goal is to provide former incest victims information, encouragement and hope and the opportunity to deal with their past. Counselling and educational services are provided. For more information, write: V.O.I.C.E.S., P O Box 5593, Santa Monica, CA 90409, phone 310-452-8996

“The Sexual Assault Information Page (SAIP) is a not-for-profit information and referral service providing information on all types of sexual violence. Information is provided via the WWW, e-mail, a bi-monthly electronic newsletter, as well as occasional hard copy mailings for specific requests. All information, including the newsletter, is provided totally free of charge.” The URL for SAIP is /saInfoPage.html E-mail to

To Survivors of Mind Control Experimentation: ACHES-MC (Advocacy Committee for Human Experimentation Survivors – Mind Control) has been formed to assist survivors who have been subjected to unconsentually federally funded mind control as children or adults. Some of their goals are: declassification of government files connected to mind control research, a presidential hearing on this topic, determining the federal governments’ responsibilities, determining appropriate remedies for those wronged or harmed, studying research standards to help stop mind control. For more information: USA – Blanche Chavoustie, PO Box 108, Syosset, NY 11791, E-mail:, or Cynthia Ford, PO Box 182, Rio Nido, CA 95471, E-mail:; Canada – Lynne Moss-Sharmann, 2-369 Pearl St. Thunder Bay, Ontario P7B 1E9, E-mail:

The Healing Woman has conferences and a newsletter for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. However, they have refused to list S.M.A.R.T. in their resource section because “I did not find a clearly identified connection between Masonry and childhood sexual abuse…” (in the material I sent them.) Please write them and let them know you see a connection and if you are a survivor of alleged Masonic ritual abuse, you may want to tell them that also. Their address is: P O 3038, Moss Beach, CA 94038, E-mail:

Believe the Children is having a conference called “Dreamweavers: Child Abuse and Victim Advocacy”, on April 11- 13, 1997 in Itasca, IL. S.M.A.R.T. will be co-sponsoring this conference with many other groups. For more info. write: BTC, P O Box 797, Cary, IL. 60013, phone 847-515- 5432.

Safe Haven for SRA Survivors and/or those facing a dissociative condition such as Multiple Personality Disorder is created by survivors of SRA. Their services include: A free newsletter, phone support, resources, referrals, e-mail groups, pen pals info. via e- mail, support to family members and a speaker bureau. The URL home page is
index.html (please check our home page for their new URL).

S.M.A.R.T. is looking for additional articles about alleged Masonic abuse (including affiliated organizations) and ritual abuse.

We are also looking for poetry, personal accounts and letters to publish in this newsletter, especially those relating to the Masons and related groups. Please send all articles with your written permission (for newsletter and if you want to the Internet) or any letters with questions or comments (they will not be published without your permission) to S.M.A.R.T. , P. O. 60577 Florence, Ma. 01062, E-mail to: SMARTNEWS@AOL.COM. We also would like to receive notices of events to publish and resources to list.

Good luck in your recovery process and/or your process of helping others heal.