Story of Survivor of Multi-generational Cult
Story of Survivor of Multi-generational Cult
The article below sent to us has been edited for legal reasons.
Please use caution while reading this article. It may be very triggering as it has graphic descriptions of abuse. All accusations are alleged. The article is educational and not intended as therapy or treatment.
My information and allegations as presented may be triggering to those of you who read it and I don’t want that to happen. I have received and caused enough pain in this life to cover a hundred lives. I have debated for many years whether to write this type of information, as who could it help other than myself? It seems that the majority of people in our country have a hard time believing that there are evil people. I just don’t understand that at all. Maybe it’s just the way they insulate themselves from the reality of their existence. I’ve always believed that everyone’s experience is relative as we don’t totally understand, that which we haven’t lived.
I was born into a very old, multi-generational cult that comprised witchcraft, tribal and satanic rituals. I was born in Kansas but raised for my first seven years in southern/eastern Colorado. In those days we met west of the city of Gunnison in the San Louis valley. All of my relatives on both sides are members of the cult which is named “the people” or “sha-zee”, in the language of the people.
I left the people and my role as the Red Sorcerer in 1993 after my DID became very apparent to me and others. I could barely function and personality switching was rampant and those were very terrifying times. After forty-three years in the cult I finally said “NO” to certain demands and didn’t care if I lived or died due to that choice. I began therapy in the State of Washington in 1993, continued it in New Mexico beginning in 1995 and completed it in Oregon beginning in 1997. I and my wife tended to move around a quite a bit during the early years as we just didn’t feel safe in close proximity to my family members. I have lived in Oregon since 1997 and now feel relatively safe. I am the core personality and was integrated a year ago after eleven years of memories and therapy for many years.
I am estranged from my parents, siblings, other shirt-sleeve relatives and two daughters, two grand-daughters and one grandson for personal and appropriate reasons. There have been death threats from all sides including mine, but I don’t feel much fear as they remember me as I was, not as I am.
Years ago I posted writings and poems at S.O.A.R. and Many Voice’s websites. I haven’t done any posting for over five years and felt it was time to finally share my experiences. I don’t know if my writing will help anyone else, but it certainly helps me.
The “people” begin conditioning their children at the age of three and the primary dissociative links are created in the next two years. It must be done during this time as the children don’t know the difference between illusion and reality.
Basic conditioning begins with the child strapped at the legs, arms and head in a dentist like chair. An electrical photographic strobe on an articulating arm is positioned 16″ from the bridge of the nose and then the hertz or cycles per second of the strobe flash is set at eight. The eyelids of the child are either held open and was done to me by my father or they are taped open so the eyes can’t blink. The process of using the strobe causes the child’s mind to dissociate and making it further conducive to hypnosis. A stage hypnotic displacement induction is then used to further sever the conscious mind from the unconscious mind until hypnotic coma is reached. Once this is established creation of the two primary proctor personalities begins. The proctors are the primary protector personalities used to control switching between alters, protect the core personality from harm either within the cult or in the everyday world. The proctors will know all the memories and are the most abused and terrorized parts of the child’s personality system. To the programmer, the proctor personalities are simply stated as the “bridge”. They are always named father and mother unless one or both don’t exist in the real world. In my case, four proctors were created to further control my issues and were named…father, mother, sister and brother.
Once the primary proctor (monitor) personalities (artifacts) are created in the core personality, cross-bridging between the two world realities of the child begins and is established. Definitive sub-sets are attached to the proctors that bridge both reality systems. As cult personalities are instituted in cult rituals such as sacrifice, cannibalism, torture, sex and physical abuse, the usual personality breaking and linking will occur. This also occurs in the non-cult environment (if there is one) within the child’s home, due to excessive abusive. The proctor or monitoring personalities are key to the development of the personality system due to their belief in protection of the child/core personality. In inducement strategy, the core personality is insulated from memories, abuse, etc., but this is never essentially true, in the reality that no actual artifacts are created in the child. Personality can be ambiguous and I am speaking from a stance of integration. I gave a symposium to a group of male adults at the age of twelve, in a major western city concerning new conditioning practices I had developed. I was soulless at such a young age.
At the age of four +/- years, I was tied to an elevated wooden pentacle and my uncle the previous red sorcerer in our enclave, performed a “surgery” where the eye of Satan was placed inside of my stomach. This was accomplished by simply using a small amount of blood, a false eye and pain to my stomach. The “eye” is there to monitor the child’s involvement in unacceptable cult or outside behavior. Over the years, it is paramount to the cult that the child be manipulated into bad behavior so he can be punished to develop a closer bond within his enclave and family. In reality of the cult there is no right or wrong within the cult, only responsibilities, conditioning and control. This is known and discussed by the governing members of different enclaves throughout the country.
The following is something I’m certain no one has ever read about or heard of before. The worst torture experienced in my life was through the use of a small, solid copper egg with a thin chain attached. The ball was frozen and then inserted into my rectum. After a few seconds I didn’t know who was screaming. I was stubborn and didn’t want to comply with my conditioning and it was used on me to facilitate my inherited role within the cult as the red sorcerer and the one who led all rituals, sacrifice/murders, evisceration, conditioning, programming and ritual abuse of members and their children and hundreds of other duties. They made certain I received, but also that I gave. Therein lies my guilt and culpability which I will never be free of. Other than my therapists, I have never had the courage to tell anyone else of what my life has been like. I have been worried how others would perceive me as both a survivor and an abuser.
Primary meeting times within the “people” were/are the equinoxes, solstices, moon cycles, planting, harvest and almost all members are agrarians. Ranchers, farmers, farm equipment dealers, veterinarians, forest managers, ect, are interspersed throughout society. When an organization wishes to be secretive, where better than in the middle of thousands of acres of privately owned land, government lands, etc.
In the enclave I came from and other enclaves, I will list occupations and some cult responsibilities. On farms and ranches containing hundreds to thousands of acres is where primary activities are established on a nearly permanent basis. A man I know who owns a barge company and repairs docks and has access to all parts of the lake. A veterinarian in central Washington State provides animals to the cult and has strong ties to neo-nazi groups. A family owns a rendering company which makes products from dead animal carcasses it disposes of. In Colorado a prominent family in government aids the people. Between Spokane, Washington and Post Falls, Idaho, hundreds of members live in close proximity and the circle sometimes contains 600. It goes on endlessly. No member of the people has a passive role and none are abused just for the sake of it, as the mind control and conditioning is too time consuming.
The “people’s” roots lie in western/northern Europe. I am of the 61st generation of the people with each generation being twenty-seven years in length. My mother adamantly told me I was the first sorcerer to leave the people, but I’m certain that is just another of the people’s lies. There are many that leave and some that never return. What they count on isn’t rebuking a person but instead their cues and conditioning. Anything can be overcome though, if it’s what a person wants the most. I still have triggers, the worst being seeing my psychiatrist one a month. When you’re told every day for most of your life what will happen if you tell, it can build-up into a buried monster. Nevertheless, I go and I tell and yet it’s still very hard to tell.
Usual electrical stimulus within the conditioning process of children is provided by a Model A automobile engine coil connected to a switch and car battery. It isn’t pleasant.
Nearly all human remains are reduced in cult constructed crematoriums located on private enclaves where the sacrifices/murders are committed. Nothing is left except bone dust which is easily disposed of. I used to be amazed by so called authorities that continue to cry “where are all the bodies”, when dismissing satanic or cult murders. The “people” have been killing humans for nearly 2,000 years and they are very, very good at what they do.
Speaking of humans. The people condition themselves that they are not humans and as biblical reference says that Adam and Eve’s daughters were impregnated by angels, the people are descendants of the same. They take it a step further and say that the angels were part of Satan’s consortium. It is true that the people are anti-Christian but more so that they are anti-human. I believe that some original founder(s) chose the idea that it was easier to kill a believed different species than one’s own kind. Unlike dispassionate serial killers who choose to see their victims as (it), the people see their victims as meat. Two of my father’s favorite sayings were…”meat is meat” and “never eat or drink a nigger because they’re dirty”. What a role model. It took my first therapist two years to convince me that I was a human.
At the age of seven at my naming ceremony I was given my secret name which converts to the English “child seer”. Supposedly I was the prophet and the prophesy. My proctors called me “child” and also called me the “child of light”. The people have a spoken and written language and sign language known as “finger speech” which is used to add emotional inflection, positive and negative aspects, other. I speak the primary dialect and seven variants. I wish I would have been taught Greek and Latin.
The people are a matriarchal society with superior lineage passing from mother to eldest daughter, to eldest granddaughter and these are the Black Sorceresses. The Red Sorcerers are chosen by the women. In midlevel Britain the women of the people were known as the “ladies of the light” or the “ladies of the lion”. A banner representing the same has a lion over a field of grape leaves. Primary symbols within the people include the pentacle, lunate cross, many spells, portents, signings, lanterns of light, moon and sun cycles, planting and harvest cycles.
From the age of eight until I was twelve I was used as a sex slave by the people. I was sold by the hour or by the act. My sister and I were photographed having sex together and movies were made. Every person in the people goes through this “tendering” process. Most of my female parts were made during these years, although a few were made by the people for the people. It’s easier for me to speak about the conditioning and violent practices, than the sexual abuse as the latter shattered my psyche.
I sometimes wonder about the statement by our founding fathers, ‘We, the people, of the United States of America….”. Hmm, they were from England weren’t they?
Although the creation of dissociative personalities is impossible to create in adults, varied torture is used to force individuals to comply with the wishes and commands of the people. I know the intimate differences between electric shock by a 12v car engine, 110v current, cattle probe, electric fence charger and a stun gun. I HATE electric shock from a car engine as it makes the muscles jerky and tense and part of my original conditioning as a child. Every enclave has what is called the “box”. It is a three and one-half foot square, wooden box. No water or food for a few days and constant all body muscle cramping. If the box isn’t strong enough, there is the “pit”. Simply a pit seven feet deep with a toilet seat over it. Being hung by the wrists isn’t a big deal.
By the age of sixteen, I couldn’t feel most physical pain and as that concept is part of the “way of the people” every person develops the control. To develop pain resistance, a part of a child’s musculature is chosen for strengthening by the black sorceress. Mine was the muscles in the center of my back. Any member of the people could challenge me at any time to see if I was toughening up. Using only their fists, they could beat on me to their satisfaction. I never felt any pain back in the day, but have had serious pain in my back for seven years. The pain is always there. To remember, to find integration means giving up a lot of things. I can sincerely state that I despise pain.
Supposed traitors to the people (poor souls that are used for demonstration) are treated to various life ending experiences. Men are usually “spiked” with an 18″ screwdriver driven through the bottom of the jaw, through the palate, sinuses and brain, exiting the top of the skull. A cable clamp is tightened down on the end of the spike and the person is hung in full view of members. Women are usually “fish hooked” with two steel hooks, one driven under the jaw and out the mouth and the other through the pelvic girdle. The woman is then hung for all to see. I have seen humans die by immersion in boiling water in the “tank”, by “feeding the fire” with their bodies feet first. So many, many horrible ways for people to die.
Being trained as a young boy in the art of sacrifice and evisceration, compose many of my worst memories. Primary personalities included the death merchants, Eric and the cutters, the eaters, the drinkers, the grizzlies, many more and all grouped sub-sets numbered twelve as twelve in the circle. One thing I learned early in the people was that I couldn’t show any weakness or they would eat me up and being eaten alive was my worst fear.
To increase my guilt and facilitate my responsibilities, I was forced to choose which child or adult would be killed. When I was young my mother would choose if I didn’t and she always knew which person I DIDN’T want to kill. I learned not to care about any “human” as there was just too much emotional investment in choosing. By the age of ten, every human was just another cow or sheep.
Before the age of twelve, myself and other children were used to help kidnap human kids. Kids that don’t trust adults, tended to trust other children and we were trained in ways to entice the kids. This was back in the fifties and sixties, when certain elements and races of society weren’t missed by the authorities. During the seventies and eighties a large source of human material was achieved through the kidnapping of transient, Mexican laborers. In Washington state these migrant workers followed the apple crops, field hoeing, thinning etc. With most of the people being in agricultural enterprises, it wasn’t hard to get a van or pickup load of laborers and their families to a farm. Quaaludes in water or alcoholic provisions would put these people to sleep. “Coyotes” were extensively used and well paid to procure working groups and many were members of the people. Coyotes were/are Mexican nationals who transport individuals across the border and on the U.S. side of the border organize labor groups. Sometimes they are called labor organizers. It was so simple and yet the “experts” out in the world wonder where people are collected from? I could name another twenty ways in which individuals or groups are procured by the people. Runaways, homeless people, criminals, street alcoholics and drug addicts. People that won’t be missed and are never taken on a large scale in cities. I’ve never met a “satanic breeder”, although they may exist. The people don’t waste children that can be conditioned into providing many generations of converts.
If the “experts” want to know how some individuals are transported between enclaves, they should investigate the “jump-up” sections on cattle haulers. How many workers at highway weigh stations would ever look in a “shit hauler”. People are so stupid.
If all the “experts” and those that attempt to dissuade others that there are no evil religious cults spent a week in the box, I bet they would change their opinions and positions. But then they would be dead.
I estimate through experience that some law enforcement authorities are very well aware of some cult murders. Some of my best friends were police. How do I know all of these things? Experience. Way too much of it, but I’m just not threatened anymore. What can those in private or public power do to to me? Jail, torture, death. I’m fifty-five years old now and my wife of twenty years died twenty-six months ago. She was all that I protected.
All enclaves of the people whether large or small, have underground “hidey-holes” to use if the need arises. My older brother who lives in north-central Washington State was arrested several years ago for growing marijuana. Where did they find it growing? In a railroad box car that was buried on the property with access to his home via an underground culvert. His oldest daughter turned him in to the cops, but since she runs crazy as a badly fragmented dissociative on the streets of Seattle, more power to her. She would tell a story very similar to my own, if she were able to.
A rundown on my family. Mom and dad are in a care center. My older sister has migraines five days a week and remains in the people. My younger brother was in a hospital for five years in the sexual psychopath program, but has never been in trouble in the past twenty years and is no longer a member of the people. My older brother has eight children from two live-in wives and remains in the people. Most of my aunts and uncles are dead, but their children remain in the people from Washington State to Minnesota.
During the years of therapy, I journaled on my computer and wrote over 5,000 pages. I deleted those pages a few years ago as I didn’t want to be reminded of the memories. My nightmares and flashbacks take care of that on a daily basis. It took my male proctor (ISH) personality “father”, nearly eleven years to partially convince me that I “had no choice” and he knew all the memories. He told me that the universe and all it contains is in perfect order as time is static and nothing in the past can be changed. Most importantly, father taught me that the purpose of life is to live to the full potential that a person or a thing can. Every living thing lives to the best of its ability and every living thing will do its very best to survive. I often told my proctor that I was evil, but he told me that I had done evil things and there was a difference. He asked me if I would ever harm anyone again and I said I didn’t know? In eleven years I’ve never harmed a person or animal. I don’t know if cutting the lawn is harmful?
I sometimes think that in my case, survival was a demon. I have never seen a single reason for me to live when so many died. During my forty-three years in the people I would tell myself that they could have my body and my mind, but they wouldn’t get my soul. I’m not certain things worked out that way. It wasn’t enough that I was conditioned into following the way of the people, but I made certain that my children and grandchildren and all the many other generations continue the way of the people. What a legacy I leave to my kids and their kids and their kids…
My PTSD often reminds me of what it is to be a soldier. On the battlefield when every moment is life and death, a soldier will do many things and anything to survive. When the soldier returns to a normal, non-war society he can’t understand why he did the things he did? It no longer matters to the soldier that he killed others of his own kind for God and Country, for that has no meaning. He just sees the blood, dead glassy eyes, riddled flesh, the looks of despair on soulless faces, greed and evil and he knows he is culpable and that there is no consolation or redemption. Why don’t soldiers speak about war? What is there really to talk about?
I survive. I try to learn and understand what it is to live, but I doubt that I will ever figure that out. I’m still very much a prey animal whose ears twitch and hackles raise when someone is behind me. I will always be hyper-vigilant and my five sense are very much in tune with the physical world. I have been afraid everyday of my life…fifty-five years ago and today as I write this. All I have ever known in my life is hate, rage, revenge, violence, guilt, loss, fear, discipline, confusion, frustration, pain and uncertainty. I was an alcoholic, heroin and Oxycontin addict, smoker, cutter, most any self-abuse I could find. I no longer drink alcohol or use drugs, I quit smoking, I try to feel instead of cutting myself when I’m angry or frustrated, I cry, I sing, play guitar, listen to music, sleep normal hours instead of being awake all night, more than anything else I try to change who I was into who I am.