Story of Survivor of Multi-generational Cult – Part Two
Story of Survivor of Multi-generational Cult – Part Two
The article below sent to us has been edited for legal reasons.
Please use caution while reading this article. It may be very triggering as it has graphic descriptions of abuse. All accusations are alleged. The article is educational and not intended as therapy or treatment.
Ruminations of a Red Sorcerer and the Way of the People:
Again I turn to my memories to offer what information I can about the specific group I was raised in and participated in.. To write these memories down, I can’t sit in judgement of myself or worry about anyone else’s judgement. I simply write down what happened and my involvement in the same. I’ve judged myself for eleven years and when it comes to personal critique, no one is better at it than I am. As I wonder if I lost my soul, whether I will ever find redemption and if can continue to remember and write it down, I find myself driven on a daily basis to remember. Just writing the memories down with the intent purpose of posting them to websites, trigger extreme physical pain especially in my back and brighten my nightmares. This path that I have chosen to take as part of my post integration work is all about being who I am, not who I was.
Early Conditioning in the People:
Infants of parents in the people are suckled or bottle fed with milk and blood. If they are being nursed, the mother will make a cut near one of her nipples and feed the baby the mixture. Bottle fed babies have human blood placed in the container, as given by the mother, father or relative. It is important to get a child started right in the way of the people. As my children’s mother was not a part of the people, I and my mother saw to it that their formula was provided for. A child and then adult will develop an actual preference to drinking blood, which furthers the intents of the people. Ties that bond.
When my kids were past the age of three, I controlled their abuse in my home. I had a room that was hidden between the living room and master bedroom that was 3′ x 4′ in diameter and my wife wasn’t ever aware of it. Access was through a panel in the ceiling. The only thing in the room was a straight back chair, where my daughters would have to sit in the dark for hours at a time. I would tell them that there were dead people in the walls and that the dead people would harm them if they weren’t good. Enough fear will cause dissociative splits to occur when the child needs to cope in fearful situations. My mother used a cellar for my immersion into the dark and lots of little boys were made by me in the cellar and lots of little girls were made by my daughters in that small room.
Following my own conditioning as a child, I would lock my kids naked and alone in a barn or outside area in the middle of the winter. They didn’t get frost bite, but they learned how to deal with cold and they made dissociative splits to cope. They were conditioned in similar ways to cope with pain, also being smothered unconscious, sex abuse, killing pets and other things.
The easiest way to get young children to kill animals is to see that the animal is severely wounded or crippled and manipulate the child into the frame of mind of where they are stopping the animal’s pain and putting it out of its misery. Usually they can’t do it at first, but if shown that smothering or the use of ether and smothering is kind, then eventually they will comply. If not, there’s always intimidation and pain. Most of these type of things are done at home and the child further learns to be tough with cross-reality linking. The incremental lessons of killing within the people, is completed within the confines of the people. Where are all the bodies? There are none.
My youngest daughter who was eighteen years old came out to the farm with a coal black kitten that appeared to have it’s back broken. Reflecting deep empathy she asked me to take care of the poor kitten and I did so without knowing why I did it so automatically. After killing the kitten with a hammer blow to the back of it’s head I was so angry that I told my daughter if she ever brought another animal like that to me, I would kill her. I meant it. My daughter was very programmed, conditioned and was just trying to motivate me to return to the people. In the thinking of the people and who I was at that time, she was a good convert and very loyal to her enclave. She was just trying to help me as I had conditioned the response into her dissociative mind.
Both girls and boys are ritually raped on the altar during cult activities. It usually begins at the age of eight, but sometimes younger. This is continued for as long as they are in the people. Sexual invasion is one way for the people to remove anything representing good in the member. Any emotion demonstrated by a member that is contrary to the way of the people is removed in whatever way needed, but usually by violent and invasive means. Love, sympathy, empathy, kindness, altruistic behavior, anything representing good can not be tolerated as it makes the child weak in the eyes of the people. These so called “bad emotions” that the people brutalize out of members are also what will allow a member to begin questioning their life and the world around themselves. It was part of my salvation. The love of and by my second wife, a non-member, ultimately broke down my dissociative walls. Maintaining a constant state of confusion, frustration, rage, guilt, child abuse, ritual abuse, criminal activities and cannibalism are just a few evils that create the illusion of a bond between the members of the group and the air of secrecy. How many survivors that were also abusers ever tell their story? I just hope my forwardness provides other survivors with a basis that what happened to them, did happen to them. It’s no great leap of logic to see that abusive conditioning makes its way into many secretive groups and organizations as it’s the only way they can maintain their control, supposition of power and secrecy. To me, the whole process was reasonably simple, although so damaging to so many thousands of members and further generations.
The last time I saw my youngest daughter, her oldest daughter was seven years old and she was telling me how many different voices my granddaughter could imitate. My granddaughter was obese like her mother, highly dissociative and a total mental mess. Who is to blame? Ultimately me or maybe the people who started all of it 1,672 +/- years ago? Take your pick, but I choose me.
I hadn’t seen my oldest daughter, when she told me I was no longer welcome at her home. Was it because I left the people or the fact that I terrified her? I think that most likely it is both. Fortunately for my grandchildren, I never knew them except as infants, except briefly for several days one Christmas. Before both of my daughter’s eldest children turned three years old, I wrote my girls and told them I would kill them if they put their kids into the people. All I got for my interest was two sets of death threats and the kindly words, “piss off”. Why don’t I pressure my kids to see me? If we ever got together I doubt that we would hesitate in killing each other and my choices to leave the people makes me an enemy of the people. We were all conditioned in the same way and every member of the people is very capable of murder. It is a prerequisite before being named as an adult at the age of sixteen. It is true that the body count was high where my life and other’s lives were concerned, but as a member of the people I was conditioned into becoming a killer, how to be loyal and survive.
Did I love my children? Emphatically no. How can you love someone when you abuse them from the time they are born? I do often wish that I could live this life all over again, with actual choices.
My daughter’s cult personalities hate me, would like to see me dead and would like to get that opportunity. Their personalities that linked in the world outside of the cult are terrified of me. There are very few personalities that ever liked me and none that loved me. The only parts of my children that semi-respected me were forced to because they were the proctor/monitoring personalities. The most abused parts of my children’s minds.
Proctor Personalities and My Link to Integration
I tend to write a lot about proctor personalities since they are the most important part of a person’s personality system, as created by the people, for the people and for the welfare of the core personality. My own proctors were nearly non-integratable as they were constantly concerned about my welfare. I believed that they believed they were the only ones who could protect me from the people and the world at large. Mostly I hoped they would protect me from the memories, which I later learned were all my own. However, the truth that came out after ten years was that I believed I couldn’t live without them. They were the only thing remotely human that I had ever loved or had ever loved me, although they said that was ambiguous at best with all of the abuse.
My testament to my proctors is as follows. Father was my teacher, my guide, my best therapist and that soft reassuring voice in my mind. Mother was my organizer, my chef, made sure I took care of myself, loved me like no real mother could, allowed me to love her in return and was the careful voice in my mind. Brother was my warrior, my fighter, my champion and the strong physical voice in my mind. Sister was my confidant, my nurse and the warm voice in my mind. None of them ever judged me and constantly reinforced the truth they tried to teach me that I’d had no choice and that I needed to accept what happened to me and let it go. After thousands of memories, severe physical and emotional pain, two suicide attempts, heroin addiction and recovery, they were there to push me along until I got near the place where I am now. They are no longer here in my mind and I owe them and myself my integration.
Ritual Death and Conditioned Responses in Children of the People
Between the ages of three to five and later if desired, children of the people are conditioned to obey without hesitation and worship the red sorcerer and black sorceress. This is accomplished through simple to elaborate rituals where the children are smothered or drugged unconscious and told they are being killed by members other than the sorcerer or sorceress. As the children come back from the “dead”, they are told by the sorcerer and sorceress that they were saved by their clergy. Ritual death of this type is usually furthered through the use of mock graves the children wake-up in, blood on and around the children’s bodies and other issues. Poisoning with nightshade berries with concentrations of belladonna, hallucinogenic mushrooms, physical abuse and other actions often precede the “death” of the children to make them more pliable after they are “resurrected”. Eventually, with many years investment in time and persistence, these simple types of conditioning will induce the children into believing that the red sorcerer and black sorceress have supernatural powers. As the children mature into adults and come to understand the importance of the rituals to convey and protect the secretive attitudes of the enclave, they eagerly join in new rituals to create the illusions in their own and other children.
A note: Ether is readily obtainable in spray cans at agricultural or other type of stores as the product is used to help start diesel engines in cold weather. The nightshade plant is found in the wild and was a noxious weed in seedlings of beans. I state this only for those who might try to detract from my information.
When I speak of the conditioning of children to force them to believe virtually anything an evil person or persons wants as being simple, it is in theory. Pet a dog and it will be your friend, pull its hair and it will run from you. It’s that simple in theory. As the people condition their members from a very young age and continue it in many forms throughout the member’s life, it is used to protect the secrecy of the group. True, it is used to create modifications in behavior, but the primary goal is to protect each enclave from outside interference. You don’t remain a secret organization of people for over 1,600 years without using extreme measures.
Conditioning of Non-Members of the People for Sale and Specific Projects:
Some individuals who didn’t come from direct blood lines of the people were conditioned from infancy with basically the same set of strategies as members, but with different sets of cues than those who receive their cues in the language of the people. These individuals are sold to private parties for specific purposes. Sex, murder, other. Unless you’ve been to an underground site where possessions change hands, you will never know what soulless people look like with faces reflecting the loss of all hope.
Fort Carson, Colorado, Mountain Division, I stayed at the Campus, no that’s not right it was the C.H.A.M.P.U.S. Civilian Health and Management Protocols for the Uniformed Services. Evans Army Hospital, neat little program, progenitor of the SHIELD program. Defense logistics training, languages.
Larson Air Force Base, Moses Lake, Washington, training, languages, defense logistics.
Twin Falls area, Idaho, field training, transports, languages, defense logistics.
Powder River area, Idaho, weapons, self-defense, tactics, languages, defense logistics.
Eagle River area, California, persuasion, wilderness survival, optics, languages, defense logistics.
Fairchild Air Force Base, defense logistics.
SHIELD becomes moderately public as a global logistics assignation. I believe Homeland Security is just an extension of the SHIELD program.
White Sands, New Mexico, mustering out.