My Most Recent Memories and My Personal Growth

This page has been put on the web by S.M.A.R.T., P O Box 1295, Easthampton, MA 01027 E-mail:

This transcript is from a presentation by Neil Brick at The Fourth Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference, August 10 – 12, 2001 at the DoubleTree Hotel in Windsor Locks, CT. Some of the topics discussed may be triggering. The conference is educational and not intended as therapy or treatment. All accusations are alleged. Our providing the information below does not necessarily constitute our endorsement of it.

I want to thank everyone for having the strength and courage to be at this conference. I know it was difficult for some people to get here this weekend. This proves that what we are doing is right. This is also shown by the resistance of those opposed to our stopping RA and MC. But we are winning. This conference is proof that we are all recovering from RA and MC and getting stronger. This conference also shows that the survivors’ movement as a whole is getting stronger.

I think the most important thing for us to do this weekend is to work together, to get along together (as best as we can), so that we can leave this conference even stronger than we came here. I believe that this conference will make the fight against ritual abuse even stronger than it is. Through education and public awareness, I believe we can stop ritual abuse.

This weekend’s conference is The Fourth Annual Ritual Abuse, Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference. Some of our goals are to help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse, to help survivors of ritual abuse, to name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities and to unite those working to stop ritual abuse. This weekend, you will get to hear a variety of speakers talk about ritual abuse, secretive organizations and mind control from different perspectives, showing the possible connections between them. I hope that you have a pleasant time at our conference. Please feel free to let us know if you have any ideas. Thanks.

Neil Brick believes he is a survivor of Masonic Ritual Abuse and MK-ULTRA. He is the editor of S.M.A.R.T. – A Ritual Abuse Newsletter. He has published numerous articles on ritual abuse. He will talk about his most recent memories and his personal growth. The address for S.M.A.R.T. is P O Box 1295, Easthampton, MA 01027 USA, E-mail: Please hold all questions until the end of the presentation. Please note that anything you say will be recorded. Thanks.

Last summer, after the conference, we went to a restaurant. After dinner, all of a sudden I had a very strong abreaction. All at once I kind of felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me, but it was much stronger. I felt like I knew I was Illuminati (or whatever) at the moment or at least gov’t and deep cult. I was very disorientated and after finding my car I was very scared and unable to find my way to the highway for quite a while. I realized that this was programming. I thought that the police or whoever were going to get me because I had remembered and even after finding the highway and getting home I was terrified and scared that I would be killed, that someone would break in or come and get me.

I felt better the next day. I realized that this was part of the programming to get very disoriented, probably from spin programming and then the fear programming not to remember, because they would find me, get me or kill me.

All of the pieces of memories I had been having the last few years came together more for me. I have been having a fair amount of lab and ECT memories and men in white coats. I realized I was programmed to go on missions. I was very small and I was kept small and thin by programming until the age of 9, when a primary perpetrator went into the hospital for a while and I was no longer afraid to eat. This programming started around the age of 3. This is why I am so small today and I am smaller than my siblings. I was kept small to fit into vents and ducts to work on missions to go into places to open doors, to let others in, steal materials or records, spy on meetings or kill people. I have memories of internally going on missions (at least one as an adult in my 20’s), but am unsure if it was internally or externally, I was triggered by people having sex in the next room.

I have one memory of killing someone in Eastern Europe, it felt like that part of the world. He was sort of asleep and he knew this would happen, it must have been in the late 60’s by the way he looked. He was some sort of up and coming political person the CIA/Illuminati didn’t want in power. He knew it was his time though. He said (in his own language) go ahead and do it, or at least I perceived this. So I did it.

I have memories of being on lab tables with men in white suits and their assistants, some times perps, sometimes sort of decent (though cautious).I also have memories of going on missions by looking at maps and learning the plans. I was taught the triggers necessary to open the necessary alters to do the perps work. They used ECT afterwards to make sure I’d forget and to punish me if I told or made a mistake. Drugs were sometimes used to control me if I became stubborn of if I needed to be put into a meditative state to be programmed. I believe that I would be brought to a Masonic meeting late at night and/or driven to a lab in Boston late at night. My primary perps received money for this since they were having financial difficulties at the time.

Other people have discussed going back and forth between the gov’t MC and the Masons, including Claudia Mullen, but she believes she went from gov’t mc to the Masons to be “confused” by the trauma more. I believe I was farmed out of the Masons to be used for gov’t purposes. After being on the table studying maps and seeing “movies” to learn programming codes, which I’m not quite sure how good I was at, I would sometimes practice in simulated models, being rewarded if I succeeded and severely punished if I failed, or just shamed and picked on if it needed work. (like a lab rat)

I remember a face of a doctor that I haven’t seen yet. I do remember Nazi’s or at least people with thick German accents, but have no ID’s yet. I think what happened to me was different than what happened to others I have talked to, I believe I wasn’t a sex slave, at least in the gov’t mc. I was repeatedly raped in masonic/illuminati RA and thought the lab doctors, at least some did abuse me, I think sometimes outside of the experiments, touching me and stimulating me, though I have been anally raped to punish me or split me further.

I also have memories of being around tanks, I was at a county fair and had a flashback of their taking me out of a truck and by tanks to a barracks/experimental place building.

On missions, it was very dark and I was usually blindfolded and taken to a plane and then we flew somewhere. I don’t think I have a lot of details, things were on a need to know basis. Then the military people would take me to where I needed to go to do what I needed to do. The soldiers, especially when their superiors weren’t around, were usually decent to me, sometimes very nice, for I was a small child, a fact the other bastards seemed to (conveniently) forget.

I remember one mission where (maybe) something went wrong and I was put over a soldier’s shoulder and carried out. They were to protect me at any cost, unless I needed to be destroyed, if I flipped out or whatever. After the mission, I might nod off on the plane, but would try to look alert (stay awake) as much as possible. I think the soldiers would do this also.

A few months before I started remembering all this, a disinfo type person told me I was a prototype, only to be tested on. (My note : to see how much I could take.) I don’t know how this person knew this, I think they only did this to stop me from remembering more. They have used fear programming to hurt the survivor movement and to keep others from getting help.

Some perp orgs might think that all this makes me look less credible, I think it makes me more credible, it sure explains a lot of my behaviors, like always wanting data protected and trying to read everything on tables around me, even when it is highly inappropriate to do so. Constantly repeating facts so I won’t forget them, so I can internally give them to others. Double checking everything around me, so I can make sure I did the cult rituals right. These are old pieces of programming still being acted out without reporting back.

I also feel comfortable with safe war veterans that went through some severe trauma, more than comfortable, I feel a kind of kinship. And in a sense, we are at war with the perps. Those that don’t believe us don’t know what really happened. Those that try to discredit us through their little robots to protect their dirty little games and lies, may they rot in hell.

The whole way I operate, keeping all aspects of my life so super confidential, shows how deep the need to know basis was instilled into my brain, only divulging facts when absolutely necessary. I also rebel against taking orders in one way (the 60’s stubborn part of me), yet I so need rules and structure in my life, that people in my life even call it Nazish at times. I do this partly for security, no changes, no chances, no confusion, always safe with the right set of alter groups out, no uncertainty, like I wanted to control the rituals, so I’d know I’d be safe and able to predict what happened next.

It was late at night when I wrote this and the sleep programming was kicking in some. It says, fall asleep if you remember, dreams are all blocked or you will die (it’s easier anyway – not), and when you wake up, you will remember nothing, unless it is safe for them and me to do so. This is just programming to help them and it is being broken.

Yes, it is all real. I wish it wasn’t and I was like everyone else. I wish I was normal. I wish I had more social skills, and I wasn’t so incredibly defensive and bitter and angry sometimes. Not so alone. Perps that want to use this so they can profile me, can rot in hell. When I talk, it makes me stronger. That’s it. When we talk, they can’t stop us. No matter how much bullshit they use to control the media and the “unknowing” public. Those that are too scared to believe the truth that evil does exist and it exists everywhere are foolish. But good also exists everywhere.

I plan on remembering everything they didn’t burn out with ECT, try to erase with the drugs, or the physical abuse, torture and drownings. I will put the rest of the pieces together. And I will tell and tell and tell. No more alleged. It is true. All of it. Mo more programmed covering for their lies, for their fear.

I wrote most of this in about 55 minutes. Nothing like a due date to get me to pull together all, some of the memories I’ve had the last few years. I hope this helps you in your recovery. It has definitely helped me get stronger and understand things more. Thanks for listening. We will win.